I have just been inspired to write this, by someone I hold in high regards. A fellow musician and fellow solo'ist.
returning from the gig tonight i feel unusually empty. An emptiness not many of you will understand or maybe even comprehend. You can be rich, famous have a million friends and still be lonely.
But thats not it, not quite, at first i thought it was loneliness. feels the same, same kinda emptiness, although different. As far as i can tell its an emptiness brought on from a sudden void, being pushed out onto the edge and looking out into the abyss . what render's such behavior? I play drums, and quite well too, it comes to the point where your sitting there in mid performance wandering if its really any good. I mean it sounds great; don't get me wrong, but when you've built yourself up for something, when you get there an its finally happening; its like, hard to see from the top, especially when your in cloud. Wait for the dust to settle and the vision becomes clear again.. thats what i advise...
over and out
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2 comments:
Danny,
I go through all kinds of emotions with gigs... fortunately most of them these days are v. positive, but I've had that existential angst mid-gig before, where you suddenly wonder what it's all worth - it might be 'good' but is it still worthless? Isn't it just a bunc of noise?
I've also had the 'OMG, I'm a complete charlatan!' feeling, terrified mid song that I'm going to get lynched by the audence at the end of the tune... the applause at the end of the tune snaps me out of that one, but the 'fear' was pretty crippling at the time...
Time. That's the key here, all these things look more explainable with a few days/weeks/months distance from them. Ride them out, talk about it with other musicians, keep playing, and find what it is in there that makes you love it :)
Sx
cool man, wise words. They are much appreciated
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