ok, so here goes

up and down up and down, like a roller coaster, going from dark to light , dark to light, when will it stop, i need to get off, I'm going to be sick...


Its Monday, my favorite day . It all happens on a monday.

I was feeling really bad yesterday, pains in the chest, the heart chakara not working properly, blockages, Mums Death, .

This is how I feel, because today is another day, and I have felt ok. Until I had to call a student and explain why I had disappeared over christmas and hadn't been back yet.
Its worse when someone knows your Mum but doesnt know she died, and is asking how they are, and you have to be the one to explain that your own loved one has passed away.

I hope by doing these blogs I can come to terms with it on a more of a profound level.

I was talking with my Mother in law yesterday, asking how she survived the loss of her mother at an early age. I was pretty shocked to find that she had tears in her eyes and said that after 30 years it was still painful. the thing is you see , she had blocked it out, they were so close in the family that after the mum died, the father followed on shortly after and i think that it was easier to forget them...

Thirty years, my God. Maybe it is time for me to abstract these feelings, I don't want to be upset for the rest of my life, I also want to be able to think of My Mother in honor of her life and to feel her as a part of me. here and now. and forever more...